And with it went the man in red
by Psyprass
Summary: Vash's thoughts as he looks back on his life.


I forget how long it has been since that time. Days pass like seconds, years like minutes. That happens when you have lived for as long as I have. When you try to forget the past, you are always doomed to repeat it. The repetition I experienced after one hundred and thirty years is proof of that. Why does this happen? Why, to innocent human beings who simply strive to move on without looking back and try to remain illiterate to the self-inflicted sorrow they know is there?

It is mankind's punishment for being ignorant...

_Rem... why did you have to die?_

The clearest thing I can remember back then is her purposely taking her own dear life to save millions more...

_... And the river of tears burned like Hell itself._

Oh god, it was so sudden. It was over before it had even happened. And there was nothing I could do. But her passion was to protect and create life. "No one has the right to take another's life," were her words. She saved them all out of the purity of her heart, but with the seeds of love, came the seeds of death.

... I wonder what Rem would think of my dirty hands. I abided by her word, and tried to keep the flame of life alight, but it was not to be. It flickered out at a single tap of the trigger, and made me so filthy.

_I'm so sorry, Rem. _

_I... I failed..._

Why am I the cause of so much death and tragedy? Am I tragedy? The Devil is controlling my road of fate, and misery is the result of my foolish choices. I cannot change what I have done. The past can be repeated, and remembered, but not altered. And people shall forever hate me for what I have done. It hurts like the hot lead bullet of hostility piercing your soul. Humans love nothing better than to blame someone, or their life becomes dull. They believe that killing is the only way to resolve a conflict. Pain and anger have blinded their compassionate eye from the feelings of others, and creates man's worst enemy - fear. When fear arouses to torture and cloud our good judgement, it also spurs confusion, anger and worst of all, sorrow. Yet after causing it, they try to put it behind them. For some peculiar reason, people attempt to avoid the one thing that is inevitable, and they know it can't be escaped, but choose to pretend not to. Maybe Rem would have the answer to these mysteries. After all, she was the one who taught me that rather than killing the spider to rescue the butterfly, we should save both. To kill the spider to save the butterfly means that, after taking its life, you become a spider yourself.

However, it rests with the fact that there are, and will always be, objections to this. I glance up from the cold, cold ground of truth into the eyes of the spider, and I see betrayal over the rift that has separated us from brothers to enemies.

_Knives._

My own blood... the indirect cause of my Rem's death. The indirect cause of July's fall. The indirect cause of so many deaths inflicted by the Gung Ho Guns. But the direct cause of my suffering, and that I cannot forgive. In his hatred for humans and their self-absorbed ways, he became just like them, and his brutal punishments on them were brought down on me; the grief of witnessing those bodies tore me to shreds...

Maybe I was fated to bring about total destruction with my brother. Or does fate exist? Perhaps life is not a matter of destiny; it is the paths we choose that determine our results. I recall the words of Legato, who claimed that living is too painful and is a punishment, so why do we enjoy it? For him, death was the only freedom. But love of life can defeat death - that was something Legato did not learn before I pulled the trigger. And... I accept that.

Days pass like seconds, years like minutes. That happens when you sit under the blue sky and watch the clouds venture away like curious animals.

You take a moment to lie back and notice the small things that are often overlooked, and appreciate them. Time seems to fly by when you forget about it.

And as the ground and all on it lay under the sky so blue, the moment drifted away.

_... And with it went the man in red._


End file.
